Saturday, April 23, 2016

How to find yourself a wife

Recently I came upon notes on how to find yourself a wife. Still being single I tend to look at most opportunities. Nowadays it is not frowned upon to search on internet sites for a wife, even if you have to import her. Most know about speed dating. This takes guts as it is an eye-to-eye encounter with someone totally unknown to you, like cold calling. A very thrilling experience I imagine - like an adrenaline rush.

The article I read refers to ancient times when life was quite different, very different in fact. Since then customs and laws have changed, and so have women. I’m not too sure how far men have evolved… Don’t try any of these; this is not advice for the wise, nor meant for today’s jungle.

* Walk around and you will find one; even if you’ve got a history. - Cain in Genesis 4:16-17
This is probably where most of us are today. Walking, running, pub-crawling, clubbing, hoping… Hi!

* Agree to work seven years in exchange for a wife. Then work another seven when you get done in... - Jacob in Genesis 29:15-30
Although Jacob was cheated, he actually married Rachel seven days after Leah. So perhaps it wasn’t such a bad deal…
* Find a man with seven daughters and impress the father by helping them doing their job. - Moses in Exodus 2:16-21
Be kind to women and you will be rewarded. It always works.

* Find a beautiful prisoner of war. Take her home. Get her to do a makeover, give her new clothes, then she is yours. – Deuteronomy 21:10 -13
Isn’t this what many wars are about – women?

* Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow as your wife. – 
Onan, Shelah and Judah in Genesis 38:6-30
It’s an amazing family saga of trickery and deceit.
Deuteronomy 25:5
This was the custom, no questions asked.
Orpah and Ruth in Ruth 1: 10-13
Here the law could not be fulfilled. Quite a lucky break for Ruth, or shall we rather say it was destiny?

* Get yourself given a wife out of pity. - Benjaminites in Judges 21:13-15.
You poor guy, all alone in the world. There are many that fall into this category.

* Go to a party and hide. When the girls start to dance, grab one and carry her off to become your wife. - Benjaminites in Judges 21:19-23.
Sounds like a weird party trick, but this game was for real.

* Buy property and get a wife as part of the deal. - Boaz in Ruth 4:1-11
This was more about Ruth than the farm. A lovely, industrious woman and a clever stepmother.

* Forget about being choosy. Replace quality with quantity. – King Solomon in I Kings 11:1-3
Sounds like every man’s dream, but then could you handle 700 wives and 300 sub-wives? I don’t think so.
* If you are the king or local dictator, proclaim a beauty competition with the winner becoming your wife. – King Ahasuerus / Xerxes in Esther 2:3 - 4 
But even then women employed stealth. Esther changed her name and refused to say where she came from.

Now when you’ve finally got the bride of your dreams, however you caught her, better be sure to treat her to a proper wedding feast. And don’t forget the wine, not just any wine, only the best will do. Take the wine enjoyed all those years ago in Cana as a guide. (St. John 2:1-10 ) Aah! What would winemakers today give for that recipe, or critics for a sip?
Oh, and after the honeymoon, no actually before, it would be a great idea to read The Song of Solomon. This is mostly written from the point of view of a woman, so it’s very good advice for a life filled with pleasure. Finally, be sure to remember the sage advice from Proverbs 31 throughout this whole search.

Gerhard Griesel: &