Make the memory!

“Life is all about memories” according to Protea Hotels. So if visiting Victoria Falls is on your bucket list, get there if you can.

Here is a story from Marc Chernoff that I read a year ago and would like to make my own sometime soon:

“One warm evening nine years ago...

After spending nearly every waking minute with Angel for eight straight days, I knew that I had to tell her just one thing. So late at night, just before she fell asleep, I whispered it in her ear. She smiled... the kind of smile that makes me smile back. And she said, “When I’m seventy-five, and I think about my life and what it was like to be young, I hope that I can remember this very moment.”

A few seconds later she closed her eyes and fell asleep. The room was peaceful... almost silent. All I could hear was the soft purr of her breathing. I stayed awake thinking about the time we’d spent together and all the choices in our lives that made this moment possible. And at some point, I realized that it didn’t matter what we’d done or where we’d gone. Nor did the future hold any significance.

All that mattered was the serenity of the moment.

Just being with her and breathing with her.”

The moral of the story is: “We must not allow the clock and the calendar to blind us to the fact that each moment of life is a miracle and a mystery.“ as instructed by H. G. Wells.

Next time when you want to push that snooze button tell yourself this: “No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.” according to Regina Brett. Then go out and make someone’s day - and this will make yours. Guaranteed!

Besides, Woody Allen’s mother always told him: “If you don’t do it, then you aren’t going to be able to do the thing.”

Feel free to sing in the shower: "So today is my new favourite day!" as Winnie-the-Pooh loves to say.

Actually I say: “Sure – work hard, but at some point just be. There’s no need to always have a plan, and even if you have a plan, there’s no rule that you should stick to it. Relax. Indulge in enjoying life with your loved ones. Know that this moment will not come again.” Now just think about that...

References:-

Proteahotels.com by Marriott

“The Blissful Art of Being and Breathing” by Marc Chernoff 

“Winnie-the-Pooh” by A.A. Milne

"Woody Allen Interview - VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA" by Steve 'Frosty' Weintraub

Plus: H. G. Wells; Regina Brett; Anton Blignault

Photo credits:-

Kalk Bay harbour by Anton Blignault

Buffalo Bay, Cape Point Nature Reserve by Anton Blignault

© 2018 Anton BLIGNAULT, Cape Town South Africa

The answer is “Yes!”

What is the question? Indeed. With such an attitude you should sail through every encounter, even against the wind. Yet, why don’t you? Why don’t I?

Taken the fact that words only account for ±7% of total face to face communication, you need to look at what makes up the majority: body language at ±55% and tone at ±38%. Even in telephonic communication words only constitute ±14% of understanding, while tone at ±86% plays the crucial part.

But that’s not all. You not only need to say “Yes” but be pretty quick about it – like 5 to 10 seconds max. James 1:5-7 puts it well. When saying “Yes” it could also be something like “Hello” – anything to stay the course, keep the momentum going. As important is showing your connection physically: a handshake, a touch, a hug. Despite trying, I fall short most of the time on both these actions.

As you’ve seen above, saying “Yes” is really only a small part of getting your message across. Your body language and voice tone give your real intention and state of mind away, no matter what you say. “Your actions speak so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

These are the real clues to what someone means, but the most difficult to read - certainly for me. And the next part is to be sufficiently sure about these non-verbal clues so as to act on it - in the moment. To complicate things even more, men and women are from different planets, so to speak. All the above is true whether you’re in a personal relationship, or interacting at work.

Noëlline BRIENS at Arra Vineyards & Pulpit Rock Winery

Spending six months with two girls in the office I certainly learnt a lot, but nowhere did I come close to getting it right all the time. Elvis Blue sings: “Sometimes we have to start again... Hey! Have you ever lost your way?... The sun will shine again.” I must say, with wine tasting being part of your job description it smooth most things out. Add to that cellar tours, winelands trips, roadside picnics and you’re on the right track. Don’t get ahead of yourself though, just relax and go with the flow.

The next is as important. Admit your mistakes – quickly. Apologise sincerely and set things right. Move on from there, forget and bury whatever caused the disharmony.  Go forth, dance, sing songs of praise and do acts of love. Be more daring, act on your intuition and welcome surprises. Be less scared, have less regrets and bury the guilt. In short: You have a life. Live it!

So what are you and I supposed to do? Breathe deeply, exhale; and then focus on what’s happening right now in front of you. “Be present. It’s the only moment that matters.” Only then can you say “Yes” with conviction - whatever the question - and be ready to act on it immediately.

But without empathy you’re not going to get anywhere. This means: forget yourself, your own ego, put yourself in the other person’s shoes – your spouse, lover, child, sister, brother; client, boss, colleague. Reflect on what this interaction, date, task, project, means to them – why do they do what they do - because it is as valid as your reason. There are no right or wrong answers, only different points of view. Understand theirs, accept it and embrace it. Ruth 1:16-17 puts this more eloquently.

Victoria RÉMY & Noëlline BRIENS  in the Winelands plus Absolute Style Wines

Final advice: Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can. Don’t ever give up hope. Aim to win. Do all this boldly and with absolute enthusiasm! Bonne chance !

On a personal level, I agree with Coco Chanel: “A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.” / « Une fille devrait être deux choses: chic et fabuleuse. »

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Photo credits:-

1.       Arra Vineyards plus Mullineux & Leeu Family Wines triplet; Champagne DEVAUX, Kanonkop Estate – Anton BLIGNAULT

          Absolute Style Wines – Victoria RÉMY

2.       Arra Vineyards wine tasting room & Pulpit Rock Winery barrel cellar: - Anton BLIGNAULT & Pulpit Rock Winery

References:-

Coco  CHANEL

Elvis Blue, “Shine” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iw5-hRZIoN0&t=213

JF Hillebrand SA

John Gray, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”

McNabs

Noëlline BRIENS, FMS

Pierre-Samuel REYNE, Champagne DEVAUX

Romain LESAGE, FMS

The Holy Bible: KJV Ruth 1:16-17 & James 1:5-7

Victoria RÉMY, FMS

© 2017 Anton BLIGNAULT, Cape Town South Africa

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Why not today?

Pourquoi pas aujourd’hui? Before you even get out of bed in the morning, give thanks and ask what can I, what must I do today? No, I’m not talking of your work to-do list. I’m talking about what you should, indeed must, do for your loved ones today.

This message recently struck me hard and it hurt, second time over. It seems that Durban does me no favours, or perhaps it’s out to teach me some lessons. The first episode came about in March 2011 when I finally relented to taking aunt Sienie to say goodbye to Durban, her beloved holiday destination over many years. The whole trip was a challenge to me from the moment I collected her very early in the morning. Here is an excerpt from a film script I wrote about it.

Aunt Sienie's skirts

“05h50” André puts luggage into overhead compartment. Plane is empty. Santie is on slip-chair with several BA CABIN STAFF. She panics, hold hands up and across cabin entrance, blocking the way.

                        BA CABIN STAFF 01

          André! Kom nader sodat sy    André! Come closer so 

          jou kan sien.                that she can see you.

André spins around, steps closer, smiling.

                        SANTIE

          Hier’s ek Santie. Kom sit.   Here I am Santie. Come sit.

Her face softens when she sees him. He stretches out his hands.

Hilton Durban hotel lobby

It continued even before we got into the hire car, right through to the Hilton hotel as I constantly had to intercede since she couldn’t operate anything in her room. The return journey was equally dramatic.

André stands on tarmac next to disabled persons articulated vehicle. 4 BA women CABIN STAFF from flight march in file towards him, staring intently at him, their faces shining oddly bright. He watches them.

ANNE is the BA Cabin Chief, very professional and compassionate.

                        ANNE, BA CABIN CHIEF

              You will be blessed!

              Your children will be blessed!

They file past him to left. … Santie inside vehicle is upset.

                        ACSA DISABLED ASSISTANCE WOMAN 01

      André, klim liewers weer op!   André, rather climb up again!

André runs to vehicle’s side, climbs up steps.

Two months later aunt Sienie was smiling sweetly at me from above as her hairdresser commiserated with me.

More recently I was obliged to attend a meeting in Durban for Africa Promise, our client in New York. This was arranged three days in advance. Getting up at 04h00 to catch the 05h55 flight I’m confident that I am in good time. Much to my shock the queue through security looks like peak traffic and with passengers already boarding I run towards gate A11 when finally cleared.

Arriving one hour before my meeting I set up and prepare but am not sure what for as I’ve had no briefing. It turns out that plan A is not on the cards and I quickly have to regroup and make a counter offer after consultation with the US. The day’s work done, Vincent takes me back driving leisurely, giving me French lessons en route.  Now I’m taking strain to stay awake. Thankfully I sit down, ready for the take-off at 19h10 with a French couple next to me oblivious of everyone else. Falling asleep almost instantly despite the seats not tilting back I wake an hour later and my eyes immediately pick up a programme on Kalk Bay on the video above me. This brings back good memories of some months previously. Next the in-flight magazine falls open on an article describing the joys of Buffels Beach at Cape Point Nature Reserve, Kalk Bay and Simonstown – all on the itinerary of that blissful day. Two weeks later hopes of a reunion are shattered.

This brings me back to my question. You’d better be sure that what you do today adds real value. Remember, it’s not so much about you, but what you do with and what you say to your loved ones. Don’t count on a second chance, so use today well.

Now many photos and an unsent box filled with presents remind me daily ‘what really matters’. Clearly I have more to learn. And I am not done yet with Durban as I am about to pack my bags to do it one more time. The difference is that lately I have this incredible lightness of being and warmth inside me, as if I’m floating on a cloud next to the sun. But actually it’s never been about me... Psalms 128: 2-3

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Acknowledgements: 
mango airlines slogan “Why not today?”

The Holy Bible: Psalms 128: 2-3 
Photo credits: Anton Blignault

© Anton Blignault, Cape Town

Rules to ride by # 2

Now let’s not stop at the first hurdle. Take a deep breath, be innovative, and rise up with the momentum of the horse; or your project… Here is part 2.

Use what you’ve got

“Make the most of what you have got.” Dr Murray Banks

Ask advice and search inside yourself for ideas, courage, and wisdom.  Talk to someone close to you whom you can trust, when you're not sure what next to do.

About to fly off to ProWein in Düsseldorf, Germany I ask a few friends to urgently put me in touch with an instructor. Kathleen comes back to me, “Lana knows about horses and riding. I couldn’t answer her questions. Call her.”

Do the work

“Try harder.” Anonymous

Nothing worthwhile is easy or quick. Be prepared to put in lots of effort. Then get stuck into what needs to be done, scheduling your whole project and breaking it up into manageable compartments.

It’s two days before my flight, with the shoot one month after I return. I call Joe: “I’ve arranged classes for six days a week for a full month. Joey-Marie at Paarl Diamant assured me that I’ll be able to do the rising trot by then.”

It’s all about prepping

“Be bold. Be helpful. Be a pleasure. Trust & act on your instinct.” Anton Blignault

Get to where you need to be in good time, and be well prepared. View your meeting / project from your client’s point of view – what would they want to get out of it? Then structure your answers / actions accordingly.

At first I’m a visitor, arriving when my horse is saddled up. But very soon I get to understand that I need to be there in advance of my lesson so that I can saddle up and bridle my own horse. Apart from getting into the mood and relaxing me completely, this becomes such a bonding experience with my horse, and indirectly with my coach.

Get back up

“Failing is a temporary condition; giving up makes it permanent.” Pierre Blignaut

Nothing is plain sailing, expect difficulties and handle it. Try a different approach: focus on other USP’s of your product, - on your POS and promotional programme, change your pricing structure; but don’t give up at the first barrier.

We’re three students in the ring doing jumps. This is a first for me and I’m totally lost. I’m just obeying instructions and letting the horse go, she’s a natural... The girls are experts too, and in front of me. To my right I see a whir of legs up in the air and hear a thud behind me. Everyone stops and Joey-Marie runs to check up on her. She gets up slowly and dusts herself off. “Ok, let’s get you back up there,” Joey-Marie says as she holds the reins.

Et après

“Be consistent. Do what you say. Follow your heart.” Anton Blignault

The meeting’s not over when it’s over. The most important part is your briefing afterwards, concluding your agreement, thanking your client for their time, and ensuring them of looking after their business.

It’s not long before that after my ride I need to take off the saddle, the blanket, the bridle, and brush my horse. This is actually incredibly relaxing, for both me and the horse; she absolutely loves the attention and I get to chat with whomever is around, feeling like a seasoned rider.

Get attitude

“It is the nature of man to rise to greatness if greatness is expected of him.” John Steinbeck

No one will take notice of you if you’re a wimp, neither will you get anywhere. Be sassy. Show some grit.

Céline tells me before our outride, “I’m putting on this helmet; but I have no intention of falling off.”

Laugh at yourself

“Don’t take yourself too seriously.” Anonymous

Take your work seriously, but never forget that you’re fallible and that failure is a necessary part of succeeding.

Our group is at the dam after a long time in the saddle. Joey-Marie’s mom says, “Let’s first stop to give the horses a drink.” We all wade into the water. A co-rider shouts at me as my horse rears up and thrashes with its hoofs, “Watch out! He’s going to go down!” Acting on instinct, I stand on my toes in the stirrups. The horse disappears under the water and I jump off, straddling him. I’m totally soaked up to my knees. With much joking of everyone around me I lead my horse to the shore and remount.

Laugh it off

“It isn’t worth winning if you don’t have to fight for it.” from ‘Cutting Edge 2: Going for the Gold’

You can’t win every account, so expect some hiccups. Cut prices but bargain for extra distribution outlets, increased volume, more shelf space... Listen to your client to know what’s important for him / her and offer that.

Back at the car we have a cold fruit juice before getting in, but Céline doesn’t say a word… I take my soggy boots and socks off, driving back home bare feet. 

Enjoy each moment

“Stay in the moment.” from ‘Cutting Edge 2: Going for the Gold’

Focus on where you’re at and enjoy the process. This is only truly possible when you’re relaxed. It’s only from this vantage point that you’re able to see the whole picture, direct where you need to be going and change course midway when your client’s directive changes.

During all these hours in the saddle I forget about everything else and live in the moment, connecting with my horse and reveling in its rhythm. It’s like a mini-holiday every day. What bliss!

Start all over

“To win, you have to be willing to fail.” from ‘Cutting Edge 2: Going for the Gold’

Strive to win another day. You can’t win every time; else it wouldn’t be a challenge. Accept defeat graciously and move on. You’ve given it your best shot, learned some new tricks, and are groomed for the next project that’s going to turn all the lights on.

After working out very early in the mornings, six days a week for one month and being able to gallop comfortably, I press Joe for a 2^nd audition. Finally he comes back to me, “Sorry, I’ve been in Durban. We got a long-distance endurance rider to do the shoot. We’ll be using many different horses and we can’t guarantee how they’ll react.” So now I can gallop without holding on for dear life, and it feels great!

Lately I’ve been thinking… I can act. I can sing. I can dance. Do I first have to be jobless before I can give “The Full Monty” a go? Fortunately a glass or two of wine puts most things in perspective, especially around sunset. What? I’m here on my own! Where have all the girls gone to? Is anyone out there?